1.6 Navigating Difficult Conversations: Tools and Techniques

Drawing from the wisdom of 'Crucial Conversations', this post will explore tools and techniques that can guide us through these complex dialogues, using the example of a conversation between a headteacher and a senior leader about the senior leader's poor performance and weak line management of Special Educational Needs (SEN), and the impact this is having on the pupils.

The Challenge of Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations are those that involve opposing opinions, strong emotions, and high stakes. They can be fraught with tension and misunderstanding. Without the right approach, these conversations can lead to conflict, resentment, or a breakdown in communication.

Tools and Techniques for Navigating Difficult Conversations

1. STATE Your Path

• Share your facts: Start with the least controversial, most persuasive elements.

• Tell your story: Explain what you're beginning to conclude.

• Ask for others' paths: Encourage others to share their facts and stories.

• Talk tentatively: State your story as a story, not a fact.

• Encourage testing: Make it safe for others to express differing views.

• Examples:

  • "I've reviewed the recent SEN support reports, and there's a noticeable decline in the effectiveness of our support."

  • "I believe this decline may be linked to weak line management, and I'm concerned about the impact on our pupils."

  • "I know you feel that the SENDCo and previous team are responsible. Can you share your perspective on this?"

  • "I might be missing something here, so I'd like to hear your thoughts on why you believe it's not your responsibility."

  • "Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong or if there's something I'm overlooking."

2. Explore Others' Paths

• Ask: Express interest in the other person's views.

• Mirror: Acknowledge the emotions people appear to be feeling.

• Paraphrase: Restate what you've heard to show understanding.

• Prime: Take your best guess at what others may be thinking and feeling.

• Examples:

  • "Can you help me understand why you believe the SENDCo and previous team are solely responsible?"

  • "I can see that you're frustrated with this situation. It seems like you feel you've been unfairly blamed."

  • "So, if I understand correctly, you believe that the problems with SEN support stem from the previous team's decisions, not your management?"

  • "I'm guessing that you might feel that the expectations for your role in managing SEN were not clearly defined. Is that accurate?"

3. Move to Action

• Decide how you'll decide: Clarify the decision-making process.

• Document decisions and follow up: Make commitments clear and hold people accountable.

• Examples:

  • "Let's work together to outline a plan for improving SEN support. We'll both have input and agree on the final approach."

  • "We've agreed on these specific actions and responsibilities. I'll document them, and we'll meet in two weeks to assess progress."

Conclusion

Navigating difficult conversations requires a blend of empathy, clarity, and collaboration. By employing the tools and techniques outlined in 'Crucial Conversations', we can approach these dialogues with confidence and skill.